Samoa Melinda enjoys that neighborhood kids like to come to her house and play with her kids. She's happy to open her house and hang out with whoever stops by whenever they feel like it. She appreciates that sometimes these friends like to clean her house, wash her dishes, and bring her food. She feels that sharing food, computer, bikes, clothes and toys with them is no imposition but just what friends do. She likes to learn Samoan, listen to Samoan tunes strummed on the ukulele, and likes "eva"--hanging out. This is the Melinda that got us here in the first place. The Melinda that was tired of high stress university life, ventured down to Hawaii, and was captivated by a skinny scraggly-haired surfer kid who eventually proposed marriage. She knew full well that by accepting his offer, her life would probably never be the "normal" life she'd lived so far. And that was just what she wanted.
On the other hand, Melinda is Palagi, White, Caucausian, American, and Yankee-born nonetheless. She is willing to help out if it doesn't cost or inconvenience her too much. Why should this capitalistic Melinda share her family's things that they worked hard to obtain and maintain? Samoans are not known to take good care of stuff. It stresses Melinda to give up any control of her domain. This Melinda has obligations to fill, needs personal time. Sometimes she will close the windows and lock the doors and not answer the phone, wishing she didn't HAVE to close, lock and not answer; she wishes people would just leave her alone for a day or two.
Samoa Melinda says, Samoans are naturally drawn to children and families, and every kid needs a playmate. It's just natural that the neighborhood kids would want to come play all the time with the palagi kids. Especially because the palagis have toys. And they're not all broken. They have markers, crayons, paper, books, and so many wonderful things to discover. So an invasion on our house is kinda just part of having a family down here. Plus, relationships are more important than things. And there's no denying that Samoan Melinda has benefitted from these relationships. She pities palagi elitist who won't embrace the rich Samoan culture surrounding them, including befriending local friends and neighbors.
Palagi Melinda replies, that may be true but no one should have to deal with this. These adorable little girls come to our house and STARE into our windows. Just staring. Or call our names. For a long time. Until we come out or yell at them to go away, like dogs. Wouldn't that drive anyone insane? The poor things won't respond to requests. Just threats and slaps. American Melinda won't slap them. And then our teenage friend comes by, just knocks and walks in, needs to use the computer for "research" and somehow is in the middle of watching our home movies and browsing our photos when I come to check on her. She just wanted to post our pix on her mySpace friend page. Cause we're friends. Duh. Why is she searching our personal computer stuff? Why does she think that's okay? And then an older friend calls needs something huge, very desperately, as usual, and calls my cell phone over a dozen times. I can't help her. Sidenote, talking on the cellphone requires standing outside for any reception, requires patience, and costs money. I end up shutting off the phone. All of this happens between 4 and 6pm. When I'm tutoring a needy student at my house, trying to get dinner made, keeping track of my own two cranky little kids, and getting belly kicked by an ever-growing third. And Ephraim's out of town. I don't know if all these things would happen anywhere else. In "normal" places, don't people know better? Don't they respect privacy? Isn't there a more distinct line between invasive and friendly? Why do I have to explain to these people that what they're doing is NOT OKAY WITH ME? And why don't they listen? Is this what I came to Samoa for?
So what do you think? How Samoan or Palagi are you?
Our little dears. They really are sweet kids, honestly.(Feronia and Ruta, sisters. Feronia's recovering from lice. Yay.)
8 comments:
Oh my gosh. Seriously?! I am with you as far as closing all the blinds, unplugging the phone and hiding my kids and my computer :) Oh my, I would go crazy! Don't worry about needing your personal space! After all, you do need your sanity :)
It is totally American to want a little personal space. Don't worry about it. I don't have any of those problems as my neighbors don't even talk to me when they have issues with me. They simply leave little anonymous notes in my mailbox about how I didn't clean under the washing machin well enough(apparently leaving a note is a normal thing in switzerland).
About your two little dears, my sister has a few of those at here house too in Eagle Mountain, Utah so it may just be that their parents don't know to teach them that it isn't okay to stare into someone else's house and watch them while they eat their dinner. I'm sorry you have to deal with all that while being pregnant. My biggest issues are when I get together with other friends and all their kids want James' snacks cuz they are healthy (and yummy) fruits. I can't complain at all. Unless, I complain about a lack of Samoan-like behavior here.
Just remember that it is okay to ignore everyone else for a while. Especially if that is what you need. So go shut your blinds and unplug your phone already!!
I have more to say, but first, I would password protect the computer and have a very boring guest function with NOTHING on it. xoxo. Bekah
Bekah, you're a genius. I agree.
I have felt similarly about my "local" and "mainland" self, although my local self does not have such a numerous con list. Sometimes I wish I could just give my mainland self up, but then I suppose I wouldn't be me.
I suppose the longer you're there the harder all of these things might get!
It's time you invested in some DARK BLINDS!! The Palagi in me is SCREAMING OUT. You taught me more about sharing than anyone ever has. Seriously. You're one of the most self-less people I've ever met. BUT! Dear, you've got to lock those doors and take ome personal time with the phone off without feeling bad about it. About the kids knocking on the window... Wow. I don't know how you'd survive but I'd fake dead until they left me alone...
Wish I could be there to chase them away for you! Even if they are adorable, everyone needs their own space!
You are a Samoan girl. I guess because I am older and don't have little ones that I don't get all of these visits. I also live in a different kind of neighborhood, more secluded and more quiet. I too love the music (not much on different foods). I love my Samoan friends at church and love it when we go out...everyone stares at us, like what is she doing with her (meaning me). I hope I am not the old lady bothering you.
Wow, I've had a few of those feelings in NYC--the obligation to share hard-earned resources with the less-fortunate...but nothing like what you're experiencing. My anti-social side would go crazy! Personal space is sacred to me. And by the way, long time no talk, cuz! Glad I discovered your blog.
oh Melinda.... I {heart} you so much. Thanks for being so honest. I have felt like this when i first moved to the U.S and then I feel it when I go to Brazil. The problem now is that when you come back to the mainland you're going to have a lot of things to say like "why the heck do people have hummers?" and "how can it be possible that these people have a swimming pool in the home when they live 5 minutes away from a community pool" and then there is always the "I can not believe someone threw this perfectly good ______ away in their trash, (score!)"
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